What Would Katie Couric's Muslim Cosby Show Look Like?

Airhead extraordinaire Katie Couric suggested the idea of a Muslim version of 'The Cosby Show' to bring Islam into the mainstream.  If the episodes were to be true to Islam, I wondered, what would the show be like? (Taken from the actual Cosby Show synopsis)

Episode 1: 'Pilot' - Cliff and Clair deal with the daily pressures of having children. Theo gets four D's on his report card and prays to Allah for guidence, while Denise goes on a date with an older boy is married off to a 75 year old man. Cliff illustrates the cost of living  benefits of martyrdom to Theo using Monopoly money passages from the Q'aran. When he tries to reason with his father about loving him regardless of his grades beliefs, Cliff responds by saying, "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life!" Theo resolves to do better in school his faith. Meanwhile Rudy can't sleep because Rudy claims she heard the Wolfman a Jew growling in her closet, so Rudy and Vanessa sleep with Cliff & Clair.

Episode 2: 'Goodbye Mr. Camel' - When Rudy's pet fish camel, Lamont, dies, Cliff tries to bring the family together for a funeral in the bathroom cave. The festivities end when Rudy gets bored and leaves to watch TV marry an old man and begin a life of servitude.

Episode 3: 'Bad Dreams' - Vanessa claims that she is old enough to watch a scary movie suicide bombing that Theo saw, but Cliff still forbids it. Vanessa sneaks out anyway, and ends up having nightmares as a result  being the subject of an honor killing.

Episode 4: 'Is That My Boy?' - Freshman Theo tries out for the football team al Qaeda and makes it. Cliff is overjoyed, but his pride falters when he discovers his son will never be a star suicide bomber. Theo, however, is just happy being on the team. Meanwhile, Rudy believes that her older brother and sisters don't like her falafel.

Sounds like a sure-fire hit to me...