(Un)Fair Trade

First, a little bit of background. Throughout its history, Canada has always been more a collection of regions than a united country. Animosity between the French and the English is so entrenched that it has become part of our national fabric. Government after government has focused its agenda on appeasing the roughly 26% of Canadians who identify themselves as ‘French’.

Social engineering has been part of Canada’s makeup, with such endlessly flawed concepts as forced bilingualism forever causing wedges to form between our peoples. The old adage ‘give them an inch and they’ll take a mile’ has become a tangible thing in this country. Successive Eastern-based federal governments have planted ill-fated policies that have led us right to a perpetually failing situation.

In the United States, the state of Alaska is geographically removed from the mainland. Alaskans are by in large very independent thinkers. Oil is big there, as is their ability to cope with a harsh climate. They still hunt, trap, sled. From what I know, they can play hockey better than most Americans, with the possible exception of the fine players in Minnesota. Truth be known, Alaskans are very ‘Canadian’ by nature (but don’t question their American patriotism!).

So here’s the offer: Let’s make a trade - Quebec for Alaska, straight up. Now, on the surface this may seem a little one-sided. After all, we would get a state of hard-working, hard-living people who know the value of family and friends. Alaskans are known for their friendliness and camaraderie. No doubt the people of that great state would get along swimmingly with us here in Alberta, as we are very similar in thought and action.

The U.S., on the other hand, would receive a rich European-style culture right here in North America. Along with a larger tax base, the Americans would suddenly find themselves with more women named ‘Michelle’ and men named…um...’Michel’.

The benefits of such a trade to the United States seem endless. Americans would find it fascinating to see men kissing each other in public (albeit on the cheek). Don’t worry about the rampant anti-Americanism in Quebec, as they already have an ‘in’ with their long-lost relatives in the New Orleans area. And the poutine! Don’t forget about the poutine!

You know, on second thought such a trade might just come back to bite Canada in the ass. Not because we would get the raw end of the deal, but because when the Americans find out how they were screwed it could end all bilateral trade and goodwill between our two countries.

Maybe we should throw in Newfoundland and a couple of draft picks.